Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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