So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
