My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
