Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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