He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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