so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
