you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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