Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
