is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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