If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
