I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
