peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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