Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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