I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
