Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Terrible idea I love it
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
