I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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