what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
