You smell like a Billy Joel song
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
