Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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