yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
