These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
