It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
