I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
