At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Congratulations! We have a period
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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