At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
