Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
