Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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