i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
