I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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