I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
