Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
