"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
