Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
