I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
