Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
