Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
