I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
