I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
