We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Randomize
