All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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