i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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