I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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