i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
