I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just had sex bonerless
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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