i just wanna soil my oats bro
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
