Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
