My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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