Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
