I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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