I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
