Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
